Just Raven

Hmm. I guess a rating of X could apply here, but it isn’t that bad. But it does have ADULT subject matter and is very graphic. Part Two of the Wonder Years. Consider yourself warned.

Janine was a beautiful girl. She had red hair and a pale complexion. She was sweet and spoke softly. And she was funny as hell. She had a sense of humor I can never forget. She was wise for her age and she told me we were about to embark on a trip that might kill us. She told me not to tell Jimmy about any of this because he would not allow it to happen. Since he was her brother, and older than all of us, I thought Janine might be right. He might even call our parents to tell them what was going on and we would have to go home.

All those parties that Billy arranged for us to be at were really just expose sessions for some of his clients. Billy was a pimp, and a professional one at that. Not the typical types we see on TV. Rich men like to have young girls for their special events and little gatherings. They have a thing for girls who are virgins too. It was a commodity, something to be bought and sold, bargained over. Who knows how much Billy got paid, to hire Janine and I out.

Billy told Janine and I what was going to happen. I didn’t really know what he was talking about. He said sex…what’s that I thought? I had heard of it, but didn’t really know what is was. So he told us. He told us all we had to do was dress pretty, act cute and, later, to just lay there. He promised us we not get hurt and that it wouldn’t be THAT bad. A man had “hired” us for a night at the big fancy hotel in the city; his son was getting married and this was a bachelor party. It was to be the following Saturday, September 23. I will never forget that date. Billy called this our “indoctrination into the lane of those who live fast”. He made a joke of it.

In the evening of that day, Janine and I were picked up by two drivers who drove a limo. Janine looked so pretty-all decked up and smelling fancy. (I hate perfumes but I didn’t back then). Me, well I was all decked out too. I’m short, but that night I grew about 5 inches with high heel boots and a black leather dress with a very uncomfortable slip under it, padded bra that made me look a lot bigger than I am. I have brownish/reddish hair, but it was dyed black for the event. And the makeup. Tons of it, heavy and gross. Some chick made us up…did our hair and all. I remember walking past a mirror and looking…and wondering who the hell it was I was looking at?

We were brought to this big fancy suite of rooms. Everything was big and pretty and there were lots of lights on. Janine and I were in awe of it. It was the last time we both laughed for a long time. Immediately Janine and I were separated. I don’t know where they took her and she didn’t know about me.

I remember being hit so hard I saw spots. I remember my arms being tied at the wrists and wrapped behind me…Being sat up and hit again. This time I felt it and it hurt. I felt something warm oozing down my face. I thought it was my tears. It was my own blood. Something was flowing down my throat, and it wasn’t tasting good. I choked and spit it up-more blood. I could barely see, my eyes hurt so bad and felt like they were on fire. A hand touched my lips and I saw blood on it. I remember crying and trying to yell, but I couldn’t. It was like my voice went away. Screaming screams that no one could hear. I remember my mouth quivering I was so scared.
My wrists got all raw because I was trying to get them apart. They used thick rope to tie them together and that just ripped my skin right up.

Everyone remembers the first time they had sex. For guys, they loved it pretty much no matter what. For gals, they probably didn’t like it but liked the idea of doing it.

I remember finally being able to see: A big, older man with grey hair was standing over me, naked, and his fist coming at me again. I moved as best I could, kind of keeled over onto what I think was a bed. That pissed him off. And it turned him on I guess. He spent the next 10 minutes having the time of his life, moaning and groaning. I thought it would never end. It hurt more than anything I could describe, maybe like having knives shoved in and out. It stung and burned and I felt sharp pains. He told me to stop crying or he would kill me. I was trying to kick him off me but he was holding down my legs. I thought my arms would break, they were tied behind me and I was laying on them. I gave up fighting, like a wimp. I just laid there, like Billy told me to do. And prayed it would end soon.

I must have passed out or something. I have no memory of it ending. I have no idea of the time either. I know the next time I could see I was being sat up again, with someone holding me up from behind and feeling someone in front of me. I was dizzy and had a headache like I had never experienced. I saw another man this time, younger and skinnier. I didn’t know what he wanted. I felt him grab my hair and move my head forward into his groin…you can imagine what happened next. I can’t even begin to describe that. All I can say is I almost choked to death and it didn’t last too long.

When that was over my arms were untied and I could barely move them because they were so stiff. Someone stretched my arm out and wrapped a cloth around the upper part of it. Then I felt the needle go in. I felt this sensation I will never forget. I was bleeding all over and in pain. As soon as that needle went in I felt goose bumps and then heat radiate from my arm all the way down to my feet and back up again. The pain went away. I felt nothing. Numb. I fell back and don’t remember hitting a thing.

I opened my eyes and immediately closed them. It was bright. And I was cold. Then my stomach felt like it was going to come right up through my mouth. Next thing I know I am throwing up all over myself. Again and again I threw up. Do you get all shaky after doing that? I do and I did back then too. I looked around and saw that I was outside, looked up and saw bricks and windows and metal dumpsters. It was daytime, and it was sunny. I heard cars and birds and people talking.

Then I saw Jimmy. I began to cry…He was swearing and hitting the bricks. And then I saw Billy. Jimmy hit him too. I said to Billy: “You said it wouldn’t hurt.” He had to get real close to me because I could barely speak the words. They came out in chokes. If I had any strength I remember thinking I would kill him right there and then. But I just couldn’t move. He said back to me: “I’m so sorry this happened”. Yeah. I’m sure he wasn’t and I’m sure he got off just thinking about what I had been through.

Jimmy picked me up and carried me to Billy’s car and put me on the backseat. He was swearing at Billy really bad-shouting. He covered me up with the bloody blanket that was wrapped around me when he found me. I had no clothes on under it. We went to Billy’s apartment -I couldn’t walk. I had to be carried up. Once inside, Jimmy put me down on a mattress on the floor and washed me up. I was a mess…a bloody pulpy mess. I asked him where his sister was. It was only then that I realized she was right next to me, laying next to Kim and Patty. Janine was curled up and sleeping. She rolled over and I saw she had been beaten up too. Worse than me-she had cuts all over her face and arms. Patty and Kim just looked at us, with tears. I said to them, sarcastically: “Happy Sunday”–Jimmy told me it was Tuesday. Time had escaped me for good.

I told Jimmy how much it hurt. I told him everything I could remember. And I asked him to get me something for the pain. He did, another shot was given and I passed out again. I didn’t know it was heroin. For the next few days that is all I wanted. To keep the pain away and to put me out of my misery. I didn’t want to be alive anymore.

It took us a couple weeks to heal from September 23. Bruises formed right away that night, black and purple and ugly. Slowly they turned blue, then red, then yellow…I had bruising in places I didn’t think a human being could get bruised. The wrists healed up and so did my spirits. I tried to forget about what happened. I also ignored Billy and refused to even look at him whenever he was around. Which was often. I thought about going home. I wanted to be with my mother. But she was still sick and couldn’t give me anything I needed. And besides, I really wanted my heroin. Couldn’t get that back home for sure. I told my mom I didn’t want to come home yet. What a stupid kid I was. I could have made a better choice right there and then. But I didn’t.

Patty and Kim were sent off to their night of indoctrination around this time. They didn’t get beat up though. Instead they were drugged up. Patty had a seizure because of the mix of drugs she got. They got to go to some business men’s retreat somewhere north of the city. Kim tells me that she was scared to death, that there were over 10 men there, who did their thing with her and Patty. She cried too and it hurt her as well.

My next memory was about a month later. I wasn’t attending school out there. I was still staying at Billy’s slimey little apartment, all of us sharing a couple big mattresses on the floor. Our little wounds healed, slowly. And our habit of shooting heroin became a passion.