I’ve been meaning to write about this for months now and haven’t really had an inspiration for it. Until the other day. My daughter had been in a major medical center recently, one where some wounded US Marines are at as well…they are at this center for post surgeries and acute rehab care. At my work in the Adult Brain Injury Unit we have a couple wounded soldiers needing care as well. With all the well meaning folks of this great world who want to “do something” for these soldiers, let it be said- don’t go overboard with the self fondling bullshit that I have seen and which embarrasses the hell out of these warriors.

I got the first hint of this issue at work a few weeks back. Some local women had collected money and purchased some materials for the wounded soldiers’ wheelchairs- special battery packs for the power source. It was a great thing they did and the batteries are expensive. The soldiers in question are what we call TBI- traumatic brain injury- which generally means they have pretty signifigant memory problems, physical problems and stuff like that. Some can talk, some cannot; some appear to be alert and others are in coma. One has lost both legs, the other lost an arm.

The women came onto the unit, as guests of one of the big whigs who wanted to use this as a PR gimmick. The women had cameras and notepads…one was taking notes…One lady gasped as she stared at the amputated leg. Another stood there and absent-mindedly mimicked wiping drool off her own chin as the soldier she was looking did so…The worst of it all came from the so called leader of this women’s group, who commented about a urinary leg bag being full and mentioned all the tubing coming out from the solider she was staring at. She meant well, I think, but to ask stupid questions about medical issues and the mental/physical condition of the wounded was not very classy. This same lady said something about blogging about all this…

It really upset the soldiers. They knew their wounds were being gawked at, they knew these women were expecting a big fat THANK YOU. It was very awkward for the guys, to be put up on display like this. It was obvious that these women were standing around, waiting for something- a hug, a thank you, some sort of acknowledgment of their kindness…they didn’t realize how their very presence was so belittling to the wounded.

I was pissed off at the PR aspects of this and I took control of the situation. I escorted the women off the unit-and I wasn’t very nice about it (LOL am I ever?), along with the VP who sort of arranged all this. Of course he threatened me with being written up and all that crap…to which I reminded him, the patients safety and well being comes before his need for publicity. He promptly shut the hell up. The President of my facility thanked me for doing the right thing and wrote up the VP for allowing such a situation to occur in the first place.

Once the women left, one of the soldiers let out a big sigh of relief. He looked at me, and used his communication board to spell out, very slowly:
SHE embarrassed ME. DON’T LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.

And I won’t. I promised him.

The science of healing, recovering, from severe injuries is a private matter. Those who have been wounded need time, space, respect, privacy as well as the nursing care. The pressure of having pain, memory problems, extreme disablity is bad enough to deal with. The emotional turmoil of these soldiers is ever present. They don’t need people they don’t know showing up, while they are in the process of this recovery. to gawk and gasp and google over them. It’s a matter of dignity.

A word to those who plan to do these things:
DON’T. DEMAND. ANYTHING.
DON’T EXPECT A THANK YOU right away.
DON’T STARE. And DON’T speak about wounds, tubes, machines. Watch your body language.
Know that your very presence might be embarrassing for the soldiers.
Wait until the healing has ended or is at it’s later stages.
Educate yourself just a little about the conditions you might encounter when such a visit is planned.
Have some class.
Remember. Dignity.