Just Raven

My friend Tammy and I spent today together. We had planned this a couple weeks ago and as always, it turned into a competition of stupid proportions- on her part.

We went to the local food stores to get canned goods for the local Boy Scout food drive. Every year we participate in this and we tend to go overboard with our donations. It wasn’t any different this time. 22 bags full of stuff- non perishable goods and little gifts along with a few books and candy bars. Tammy has to outdo everyone. If I buy a candy bar, she has to buy 10. If I buy a case of chicken noodle soup, she’ll buy 3, and so on. It’s just how she is- not just with me, but with everyone. This time of year, when people need to be generous with giving, Tammy’s competitive mindset comes in handy. Those who are in need benefit.

As always Tammy has to find something to get all worked up about. It never fails. Today, it was my dishes. I love my stupid dish set and nothing Tammy says can change that. But she sure tries.

It all started with one of her fancy expensive china cups. Tammy drinks her coffee out of little dainty gay looking china cups. I wouldn’t even call it a cup it holds so little. It’s ugly. It feels cheap to me. It could break in my hand if I so much as GRAB it. Her little cups and all her dishes should come with a warning: Handle with extreme fragile hands. And it cost over 70.00!! A cup and it’s saucer.

When we were on the road, Tammy coddled her little cup as if it had life in it…like an infant. She fondled it and held it close to her. She’s the type of woman who carries a napkin with her everywhere…and the roads are rough up here. Everytime we hit a bump, her little cup of brew would spill all over her silk coat. She kept yelling for me to slow down…as I gulped big sips out of my tall plastic Dunkies mug- making no mess at all. Well as fate would have it, I drove over a big roadhole (for fun) and Tammy’s cup went down onto the floor of my Jeep, smashing into a thousand little pieces of dust. She just about cried. I laughed at the absurdity of it and told her to get herself a travel mug!

We went back to my place for lunch. As I got down a couple plates Tammy did her audible ***SIGH*** of disapproval. She came up and took one of my bowls and looked at it, told me it was ugly and cheap and, of course, that I deserved MUCH better. She went on to explain to me the benefits of having several different sets of dishes- for the seasons and each holiday. I have seen Tammy’s stash of fancy table ware: She has at least 15 sets of expensive dishes…indeed one for every holiday, every occasion, every non occasion, every whim of hers. Off of her kitchen she has a closet built just to house these items- she calls this space her Dish Pantry. As with her other “closets”- it is bigger than my living room.

It’s more than dishes too. She has silverware, utensils, table linens and centerpieces that match each set. And candles. What a waste of money- I’ve always told her. Judging the prices of this shit- and the amounts she has- it’s easily worth over $15,000- her stuff. She insures it all. She’s extravagant. When she sees a set she likes she will buy the entire collection on a whim.

Me? I got my dishes Pfaltzgraff at a flea market 15 years ago. Someone was trying to get rid of their old stuff, and I liked the pattern so I bought the whole kit and caboodle. This was over 100 dishes, for less than $25.00…a bargain and there’s no need to insure them. These are stoneware, so they’re not fragile and my mugs and plates and bowls have survived years of abuse, drops, hard landings on concrete floors- they never break. Three kids, a rowdy group of friends, endless cookouts and baking and long nights of poker games and drunk men- my dishes have been through it all. Tammy wouldn’t DREAM of using her dishes at a cookout…or a poker game. And her kids constantly got yelled at during their every meal- the damn dishes were more important than the kids who were eating out of them.

Screw that.

I don’t need fancy dishes to make myself feel worthy or important. I could care less what my neighbors and friends think too- something Tammy is forever concerned with. People don’t always show up at my door for no reason. I don’t consider committing suicide everytime one of my cups lands on the floor in many pieces. I never EVER placed more value on the fittings of the table over those who were eating.

Tammy is one of those people who uses her stuff to express what’s important to her: Fancy surroundings, the best of everything.
She won’t “settle” for less because she’s not worth anything but the best- in her opinion. She says classy and refined people know what quality is, and will spend the money. Quality huh? A cup that breaks if you hold it with too heavy a hand? Give me a break, Tammy. Bullshit. That’s not refined nor is it classy…it’s elitist and snobbish.

I’m not like that. For me, the things we use in life are there for a reason- dishes are really just a clean place to put food on. I can think of better ways to express myself than through the clothes I wear, the vehicle I drive and yes, the dishes I own. I have had times in my life where money has come to me, LOTS of it. Much to many people’s dismay, I gave away this money to causes I deemed to be worthier of need than me. That’s who I am. And I’ve always been this way and I will never change.

I despise having a lot of money because it changes who we really are. It changes who our friends are as well, and it adds a whole new set of expectations I care not to be a part of. Dishes are a symptom of this. Tammy grew up a poor kid. She married a guy who makes a lot of money. She sucks the life out of him with her monthly expenses and demands. At least he makes her work- because he didn’t want to bankroll ALL of her whims. She has become the sum of all that she used to hate in people. I say- she’s blinded buy her own need to have it all…and have only the best.

The one thing her fancy dishes hasn’t bought her: Happiness. With everything she has- the houses, the closets, the clothes, the Lexus, the Mercedes, the Durango- she doesn’t have many friends. She rarely has people over to visit her. Those who do go over are the type of people who don’t fit in with my friends and family. When Tammy “entertains”, it’s always business. It’s always SHOW and TELL…It’s never about fun.

I feel bad for Tammy, much of the time. She is a great friend and a very generous person. But she places way too much value on those things she will least be remembered for; YET it is these things that she wants others to judge her on. It’s too bad people allow this to happen to themselves. Everyone should own things that reflect who they are- not the other way around. It’s hard to tell it all apart too- what came first- the spoiled mindset or the mindset that spoiled?