When I was a little girl I remember watching my Mom cook. She always used those old black cast iron pots and pans and skillets. My Grandmah used them as well. I grew up assuming there were no other options and that I would use these heavy clanky pans myself.

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Is this good advice?
Men and Marriage…

DON’T DO IT. And DON’T HAVE CHILDREN either.

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I read this article, which inspired me to write this post.

Do you get annoyed when you’re driving, and the car ahead of you is being driven by someone who isn’t paying attention? I sure do. I hate it when I see ladies putting on their makeup or yelling at their kids instead of moving; I hate it when guys are gawking at some chick vs. moving along- after the light turns green. I get road raged at this non sense. I’ve been known to become pretty irate with people- and I let them know in subtle and not so subtle ways. My middle finger gets good use when I’m driving. As does my voice activated scream. Over time though one gets used to sharing the roads with idiOts; we learn to be patient.

Along comes the cell phone. As if fighting kids and makeup application and hot chick spotting aren’t enough distraction, these phones caused me even more grief. People driving while yacking are not paying attention to the road; they cannot multi task as they call it. Their cars are all over the place and rarely where they’re supposed to be. And if one is unfortunate enough to end up at a set of lights behind the cell phone driver….I feel your pain.

Cell phones aren’t the worse though. Nope. Now we have folks using their Crackberries to email and IM others while they’re driving. About a year ago I was in Manchester (NH) and stuck at a light by Second St…the guy ahead of me was obviously busy feeding his habit of Crackleberrying- the light was green and I WAS PISSED that he wasn’t GOING. Honking my horn, popping my head out my window and yelling and screaming at him…he opens his door and yells back:

“Sorry Ma’am, but I had to check my email! I’m waiting for an important sale!”

ERGH!!!

Ok. Whatever. Again I learned to live with these inconsiderate imbeciles who have no life. Poor creatures- so addicted to their habit, it’s not in their control.

Two years ago my kids convinced me of the value of buying my own cell phone. Last year my employer decided to purchase several hundred models of Treos- to use at work for charting purposes. Nursing staff were given these small miracles to carry around and as a perk, we were allowed to take them home for personal use. Cool…I could check emails and IM people and do the online thing ANY time I wanted. I even blogged with the stupid thing. I loved the calendar functions even if I was too busy emailing to notice I had missed a couple meetings.

About a month ago I was driving around my town, cell phone in hand, yacking away with friends. The important things had to be shared- like the fact that I was “about five minutes from my house and what is it you’re doing right now?” Friend tells me about her sisters latest man-problems, how badly their relationship has become, yada yada… and I listen intently to this vital and timely information. Of course I had to share my thoughts and opinions on it all. As I participated in this conversation, I opened up my Treo to check my email. I hadn’t checked it over four hours!

Somewhere in the background I heard cars honking. And people yelling. I slowly realized the noise was aimed at getting MY attention. I failed to notice the light had turned green.

I suddenly realized I had become ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE.

It hit me hard. I was so ashamed of myself for allowing modern tech to take away my ability to be a real person who pays attention to her surroundings; who thinks of others when I’m doing things. At work a month ago, I handed over my Treo and thanked the boss for the benefit of using it out of work. I told her I no longer wanted to be CrackBerry addict.

That week I gave up my Treo I canceled my cell phone plan and handed the Razor back to Verizon. I had to pay a small fine to end my bad habit but its worth it.

I’ve been fine ever since. The world hasn’t come to an end. I am still alive. My friends are still my friends. My kids get in touch with me just as much…life doesn’t revolve around modern tech devices and I cannot think of one reason why anyone actually cannot live without them.

These devices do not make life easier or simpler. They don’t replace my old beat up leather Day Timer, with calendars and phone lists and note pages.

I always turn to that simple system to keep myself organized and prepared. No, I cannot check email with it. No, I cannot participate in stupid and useless conversations with it. But I’m never late for an appointment and I never lose a phone number. Life without the gadgets is good. I’ll never get suckered into those things again.

Cotillion sister Fausta posted about relationships, men, women, marriage and divorce and all that good stuff. She pointed me to a blog where a man, Francis, has a lot to say.

It bothered me to read Francis’s thoughts because of the truth behind them. Men do get screwed over, financially, when it comes to expectations and marriage. And divorce:

Let’s not blind ourselves to the realities. At this time, the legal obligations of the marital state fall de facto on the husband. If the wife becomes dissatisfied, she can simply declare “irreconcilable differences” and haul stakes, taking any children and much of her husband’s income and savings along with her.

I’ve seen this happen.

For what it’s worth, when I got my divorce I was asked, I was begged, to take money and joint properties and belongings as part of a settlement. I refused it all. I refused alimony, any funds from the sale of the house and other things. The judge who presided over my divorce took me into his chamber to see if there was something “going on” that was making me so stubborn with my refusals. There wasn’t. I didn’t want one penny of my X’s money. I didn’t want to be dependent upon the man I no longer loved. In my mind the marriage was over and I wanted it be in all ways, OVER.

While Francis whines about the woes of single men and marriage and all the problems it creates, I read this last week with a certain amount of amusement.

According to Nicola Cairncross, a speaker on women’s finance and author of the book The Money Gym: The Ultimate Wealth Workout, the more successful a woman becomes, the harder she will find it is to meet the right man; and, she warns, the more likely it is that any relationship will founder.

Ms Cairncross, who runs seminars aimed at helping successful women cope with their wealth, says: “Sadly, the clever, attractive Alpha woman who has set her sights on an Alpha man is likely to be very disappointed.

“Alpha men come home at night after a day of competing in the boardroom and the last thing they want is to compete with an assertive wife as well.

“He wants an easy life, someone to stroke his fevered brow, and that means marrying a feminine, girly Beta woman who doesn’t have the masculine competitive traits of her Alpha sister.

“Successful women want everything just so and they have high aspirations, even in their relationships. But I have to tell them ‘You simply cannot have it all,’ and to expect that the higher they go, and the more they earn, the harder it may be to make a relationship work for them.”

I can really ask now: WHAT DO MEN WANT? A woman who is totally or even partially dependent upon him? Or a wealthy woman who calls the shots? Hmm. I smell some hypocrisy here. And it really stinks, guys.

My own personal motto that gets me through so much of this foolishness:
Money gets in the way of so many things. IT really is the root of most evils. So I avoid those who have lots of IT. And those who place too much value upon IT.

Back to the Francis:

Is she obsessed with material goods? Virtually every man knows times of hardship, whatever the reason. Would she stand by you loyally, should you experience one, or would she add to your stresses? What would her family and friends say to her in such circumstances?

I have always advised my daughters, who are of age now, to judge people on their material goods. When a person places high value on high end possessions- it’s a good sign they are very dependent on money and lots of it. This is all fine and well for most people…after all isn’t this what we work for? To be rich and have no needs in life? When people become addicted to money and all it can enable and provide, they are weak in character in my opinion.

It goes both ways too- men and women. They become slaves to their bank accounts and all the glam and glitter of material possessions. While nice to have, these things are not needed. We can live quite well without them. I choose to live without the material goods because I am a practical person who does not wish to become a material gal. No thanks. Possessions mean nothing to me. This lifestyle keeps me honest and simple. And it enables me to remain totally independent which is something I place very high value on.

I brought my daughters up to KNOW that money is not important nor necessary for happiness and contentment. Love and money do not share any common good. I brought them up to be independent and to always look out for themselves first- in every sense. When the time comes for sharing love and life, money can be shared at that time…but they must always have the ways and means to provide for themselves. To do otherwise is just stupid in todays world. Women need men who have character and honor and morals and values. Not men who worry and whine about money and divorces and all that. When we remove this “issue” from the table, things take on a different meaning.

Who hasn’t had to deal with

MISERABLE

ROTTEN

BACK STABBING

EGO FONDLING

GOSSIPY

DRAMA QUEEN:shock: AND QUEERS:roll:

types of people at work and in everyday life??

CERTAIN mortals have the power to sink hearts and sour moods with lightning speed. The hysterical colleague. The meddlesome neighbor. The crazy in-law. The explosive boss. A mélange of cantankerous individuals, they are united by a single achievement: They make life miserable.

Hmmm….I know a few people who have the ability to make my mood go APESHITTIN pissy in about 2 seconds flat…all I have to do is SEE them and downhill it goes from there.

You call them jerks, dolts and nitwits. Psychologists call them “difficult people.” In fact they are difficult in so many ways that they have been classified into species like the Complainer, the Whiner and the Sniper, to name but three.

Yea? I call them assholes and shitheads. Right in their faces. And I don’t care WHO they are and what special position of power they think they hold over me. PFFT. No need to beat around the bush with these losers. Just tell them to shut up and go away.
(Works for me anyway…):shock:

But in an age when no problem goes unacknowledged or unaddressed, living with such people is no longer the only choice. Instead, an industry of books and seminars has sprung up, not to help the difficult change their maddening ways, but to help the rest of us cope with them.

Bulloney. Who needs to read a damn book or go to some dumb ass seminar just to learn how to tell someone to go F OFF?? People spend WAY too much money and time on this silliness. Really.

The lessons include common sense (talk it out and put yourself in their shoes), character by character tactical road maps and something that the victims of the difficult don’t want to hear: they might be the problem.

Puleeeze. Bore me no more here. Tactical road maps?? THIS ISN’T the Israeli’s and the Pallies, people. This is you and assarts who make you’re life miserable. JUST. TELL. THEM. OFF.

Whatever the reason, “difficult people” gurus are in demand. That is perhaps because everyone knows at least one person who can set the blood boiling. They can be found in corporate offices, on co-op boards, in church choirs and on university faculties. They are the office Cassandra who predicts doom for every project her team initiates, the intimidating boss for whom nothing is ever good enough and the unreasonable receptionist at the motor vehicles office.

Difficult People Guru’s are probably very difficult people themselves. But they manage to pass out advice and make money on it- who knows if they’re right or wrong and WHO CARES??? We don’t need to pay someone to grow us some balls! People have become to soft and sensitive and unable to be frank, blunt and honest.

Yet, some scholars say, the problem is not the difficult people themselves. It is you.

I believe there is a certain amount of truth to this. It’s all in how we perceive these idiOts, these low life JERK OFF’s who so annoy us. I also think if people had enough confidence in themselves and didn’t live under politically correct rules of people-to-people engagement, we would be much more upfront with others. I have gotten into trouble for telling people LIKE IT IS…for being BLUNT, HONEST AND UPFRONT. I’m still standing. I still have my job (16 years now…) I still have my friends. LOL…
I’ve told them ALL off too- bosses, Presidents at my work, Board Of Director types, cops, town selectmen, Senators, friends, family and yes even my dog and cats.

But psychologists say people exhibit difficult behavior because they have a need that is not being met. Understanding that need — a colleague may be snappish, for instance, because his personal life is in turmoil — helps take the sting out of his or her actions, they say.

Bite me. Excuses. That’s all this is. I could care less what problem Joe Blow is having at home- when he’s at work he better be doing his fair share without complaint…and he better be doing it right! If he needs to blow off steam, it’s ok on a break or something. BUT don’t come to work and treat ME like SHIT cause I will bite back. There are exceptions to this of course…I worked with a lady who was being hit all the time at home and she had the bruises to prove it, fresh everyday. She was a BITCH.
I confronted her and told her off…and she just fell apart and let it all out. She never had a better friend after this, and her work ethic grew ten fold over the next few weeks.

Workplaces are competitive environments comprising individuals with disparate styles of working and communicating. With so many temperaments thrown together, every office is a powder keg.

Yea? It’s all the bosses fault when things get like this. Straighten out the boss and this shit don’t happen.

People skills are important. So long as we don’t allow others to control our moods to the point we can’t function. Those who hold power over us think they can manipulate us into behaving certain ways. NOT IN MY WORLD. I don’t tolerate this bullshit. No one should. There’s always a better job. Or better friends. Or whatever…no one needs to be in the company of those who make them miserable.