Just Raven

“Today’s emphasis on feeling good reflects the fact that the individual self has become the central focus of social, moral and cultural life,” writes Furedi. “Feeling good” becomes an escape from civic virtue and the demands of community life, where hard work, sacrifice, altruism and commitment are antithetical to immediate gratification.

Words of wisdom. It’s too bad so many people are using the products of modern day convenience to achieve their happiness. People think they have to own every gadget and toy, they think they have to have all the appliances and cars to feel GOOD about their lives. I got into it once again with my friend, Tammy. She who has a walk in closet that is bigger than my apartment.

It all started over ice cubes.

Tammy came over yesterday afternoon to offer some support after I had been to court. She is a good friend to me, in spite of our differences about lifestyle. Tammy is an upbeat, funny and open woman who thrives on attention and who just loves to show off her stuff. She amuses me to no end and I find myself really liking her. She is however, the woman I so do NOT want to become.

Anyway she comes over and she’s all sweaty due to the heat. She was complaining, bitterly that her AC in her Mercedes had broken down. So I offered her a drink- she accepted and she watched me go to my kitchen and pull a tray of ice cubes out of my freezer. I twisted the little tray and the ice popped out, and into a tall glass as I added a bottle of beer to it. I brought the beer over to Tammy, who asked me:
“Why don’t you get with the times and buy a refridgerator that has an ice maker??”

I told her I wasn’t interested in an ice maker. I told her I didn’t NEED an ice maker.

She replies in her Mommy knows best, finger waggling way:
“Oh yes you do! You’re going to hurt your fingers some day, trying to twist those old fashioned cube trays! Why do that when all you have to do is push a lever and the ice just rolls out??!!??”

I said: “Tammy, there is no way ANYONE would ever harm their damn hands by using ice cube trays. COME ON!”
She says back: “Well, EVERYONE has an ice cube maker! You deserve one too- you work hard and should have some modern conveniences.”

Such is the mindset. I do work hard and life shouldn’t be SO tough that I just HAVE to make my own ice with a tray full of water!
God forbid- I am entitled to this marvelous invention. As I spewed these thoughts off to Tammy, she came back with all sorts of other reasons I “just have to get a new fridge with an ice maker”…When I finally yelled at her to “Shut the FUCK UP Tammy!! I don’t need it and don’t want it…get over it will yah already??”

Tammy couldn’t live without the things she has. Her kitchen is one of those ultra modern, stainless steel and oak cabinet, red claytile floored extravaganzas. This woman has built in-the walls- remote controlled fans for chrisakes. She has a collection of china that costs more than my yearly income. Her “everyday” dishes cost half that. She scolds her kids if they carry these dishes in the wrong way; she yells at her husband if he doesn’t place them into the dishwasher just the right way. Of course the fancy china is handwashed. I remember one time being at her house, she had cooked up a luncheon for some of her neighbors and she asked me to join them. One of the poor souls accidently spilled some wine on the tablecloth. Tammy pretended not to care in the presence of her company; but later she cried over this. This was no ordinary tablecloth. It was a linen and silk damask drapery looking thing — quite ugly — and she vowed to never have that slobby neighbor over again.

Tammy is one of those people who allows her possessions to rule her life. Not only does she have to keep up with the Jones as far as what to own, she passes judgement onto others based upon how well they behave when they are around these prized collections of…what I call…junk. No one is spared her evilness either: Tammy turns into a witch when someone harms one of her belongings. Her grown children attest to this split personality often; and her husband has resorted to eating off paper plates most the time.

Tammy doesn’t entertain people very often at her house. She is too afraid of her stuff being broken or ruined. What good does it do to have it all then? I can’t compare my lifestyle to her’s at all. I’m thankful for that too. It’s funny that she comes over to my place all the time, many times a week. We often get into little spats about belongings and lifestyles…me being the simple one and she being the epitome of those who HAVE IT ALL. Once she gets over this we have a good time.

While she forever makes comments about my little kitchen, with it’s bare essentials (stove, fridge, sink, cabinets–NO dishwasher)- she marvels at how efficient I am, at how I manage to cook large quantities of food and how so many people tend to flock to my nest. She never has people just show up at her place. Because she doesn’t make them feel welcome. I told her life isn’t any fun if you dwell so much over what you have and what might get broken, bent, busted, ruined. No one’s possessions should ever control their personhood. Instant gratification, that desire to have everything tends to make people very shallow and selfish. Not qualities of people who are popular or who can maintain friendships.

I know a lot of Tammy’s in this world. They are no happier than I am, if anything, they are a lot less happy and content.

This week it was about ice cubes. Next week? Who knows.