Today we did something totally different.

In my work with people who have dementia, I always noticed some common things among them all. They go back through time, through their lives and often end up in their early teen years, where they stay for awhile. Most people with dementia reach a point where they no longer care about their personal appearance; many take on traits that shock their families. For example, an always modest woman will frequently become what we call a “stripper”- she loses all modesty and prefers to be naked ALL the time and could care less who is around. A man who spent his life in shorts will often become a man who over dresses and hides as much skin as he can. It’s strange phenomena and its common.

Marion has been doing so much better. She amazes me with her abilities she has retained in spite of her dx with Alzheimer’s Disease. She’s was dx three years ago and her family believes she’s been demented for about 6 or 7 years altogether. I suspect this to be true. She is 87 years old. She’s been through a lot in the past year. It’s rare to see people with dementia improve without medication.

In nursing, we learn a lot about how to get a patient to a place where they can heal, effectively. Disease processes can overtake a person’s entire mental and physical being. When we’re sick, we don’t tend to care about how we look. When we feel good, we do. People with dementia usually end up being so confused and forever lost in their own world, they don’t care about their appearance.

Due to the condition Marion was in before I brought her to my home, her appearance left little to be desired. She looked like death warmed over. As her health has improved though, things have changed. One can tell a lot about a person’s physical well being (or not) by their skin, hair and nails. Marion had a very dull complexion- and her skin was dry and crinkly. That’s not the case now…she’s hydrated so she glows.

Her nails were brittle and broke easily, and often. It’s been years since she had her nice long polished nails she once took so much pride in.

And her hair? She’d lost a good portion of it in the past year. It was dry and shaggy and thin…and somewhat yellowed due to nutritional deficiencies. She used to have beautiful snow white hair, for over 30 years- and she considered this her trademark and was extremely proud of her flocks…she always wore her hair neatly cut along her neckline.

When my brother (the arrogant selfish asshat) and his wife (the bitch) placed Marion into the nursing home they provided her with cheap clothing vs. her nice outfits she had always donned herself in. Sweat pants and tee shirts and socks were staples of Marion’s wardrobe. I understand WHY my brother did this- nursing homes lose clothing faster than a snow melts in Florida. These items came to my house when she did.

Lately I had noticed Marion taking second looks at her reflection in the mirrors. She would give herself a once over, and would touch her hair, her face with melancholy. And sadness. And a small dose of utter embarrassment. She looked pretty bad to be honest, and even though I bathe her every single day, the lack of hair styling, the sweatpants and lack of other lady things has taken a toll upon her. I have been so concerned with making sure she eats and drinks; with making sure she gets to the bathroom on time; with seeing to it her hip is setting properly… with making sure she is getting outside for fresh air and walks…with bringing her back to that place where she can heal…that I totally overlooked any potential need on her part to LOOK like a lady.

Today we fixed that. We went to Manchester, to Macy’s. Marion had her hair cut and styled and glossed; they put some stuff in it to bring out the bright white and her hair is glorious once again. It’s shiny and soft and just beautiful as it once was. Then we went to the nail salon where they fixed hers right up: Shaped them, polished them a deep red and, while we were there, what the hey, we had her toes done too. Next stop was the makeup counter…where I feel about as home as one cannot feel…thankfully the woman behind the counter was able to assist Marion with finding the perfect shade of red lipstick, and rouge. And face cream! She left the counter all gorgeous and so proud of herself.

Of course my brother was a total asshole about this. I had talked with him the other day about this…and needing the cash to pay for it. He resisted coughing it up…making some bullshit claim about this all being a waste of money. I reminded him that just two months ago he was wasting 8000.00 a month on the nursing home bill….what’s 500.00 for a day out on the town? He handed over four times that…as he should.

We went over to the womens clothing section of the store…where Marion immediately gravitated towards her favorite things: White blouses and colorful silky scarves; and black pants. With shiny leather belts. A store clerk came over and measured and sized Ms. Marion…and we managed to purchase several very nice shirts and pairs of slacks and some accessories. One thing she kept looking at caught my eye…a black pocketbook. I asked her if she wanted…she said yes..so be it. She owns it now. Of course we had to get a couple pairs of shoes to match it all.

On the way out of Macy’s, as we walked back through all the cosmetics counters, Marion took a long last look at one particular display: The Chanel Counter. I asked her if she knew what this stuff was…and she told me “No, but I always wore it!” She didn’t remember that it was perfume. But she recalled the scent and liking it. We bought her the biggest bottle they had, along with the creams that came with it for free. In her day, Chanel # 5 was Marion’s signature scent. She wore it exclusively. Once again, she owns it and can use it whenever she wishes. (Even when it makes my eyes water and skin itch.)

Marion once again showed me, today, how the human spirit endures. Even when one is in the process of losing their memories and personhood, there is always some shred of their humanity left. And she showed me how personal pride in one’s appearance can so effect one’s self morale and sense of worth. Will she remember today? No…in fact she had forgotten about the shopping before we even got home. But she will wake up every day to her favorite scent and take comfort from it; when she looks in the mirror she will be proud of the reflection and she’ll deserve that pride. The moments that make up life are priceless and especially those moments for those who forget so much.

Marion is fast asleep now…she had a busy day. She was in her glory once again and I plan to help keep her there as long as possible.