Just Raven

Some people wonder why I’m crazy…I decided to write about it. It’s hard to bring these experiences to a keyboard. Tales from the other life. Long and probably very boring.

The times of our lives…Remember when you were a little kid of 12? In 6th grade, playing at recess and goofing off with the friends? You were all too happy with things and had not a worry in the world. The Wonder Years.

In 1978 my mother got sick. She found out she had cancer, and needed surgery. My Dad was an alcoholic and couldn’t deal with this. They didn’t want me to see my mother so sick, so they sent me off to live with a relative out west for the summer. My sister is 16 years older than me and she was already working, living on her own. And my brother is 8 years older than me, and he was away at college. I had an uncle who lived in Denver, or so we thought. He invited me and some of my friends and neighbors out to his place in June, for the summer.

Everyone was excited and we all looked forward to the fun. My best friends were going with me. My neighbors were going with me. It was going to be a great time. We left a week after school got out in June. I have pictures of my group: Me, my friend Patty (there were 2 of us with that name), my neighbor Jimmy and his little sister Janine; and my friend Kim. We were very young: Patty, Kim and I were almost 13 ; Jimmy was 15 and Janine 14. Babies, really. But we thought we were all grown up and tough. The reality was we were all vulnerable and naive as to how cruel this world we inhabit can really be. Patty, Kim and I would not come back home for 5 years; Jimmy never went home and Janine died during our experiences. This is an account about those times. It will be many parts as it is a long story.

My uncle was a non-blood relative of mine. He was my mother’s half brother who lived out in Salt Lake City. I loved him. He was my favorite relative of all of them. He was cool: He let me and my friends smoke and he bought us beer, when we were WAY TOO young. His name was Billy and he was 24 years old at the time. He was a drug addict, but no one in my family knew it. I didn’t know it. He sold drugs and made quite a living doing so.

I remember all of us standing for a group picture, holding a banner we drew with crayons and markers. It said:
“Denver or Bust” Then after the picture was shot we all fell down laughing and giggling and being kids. We got onto a bus and headed west…but we would never make it to Denver. At that moment, in the bus, we had no fears and no worries. We sang over and over again-

Please come to Boston for the springtime
I’m staying here with some friends
And they’ve got lots of room
You can sell you paintings on the sidewalk
By a cafe where I hope to be workin soon
Please come to Boston
She said no, boy you come home to me

And she said, ramblin boy why don’t you settle down
Boston ain’t your kind of town
There ain’t no gold, and ther ain’t nobody like me
I’m the number one fan of the man from Tennessee

Please come to Denver to see the snowfall
We’ll move up into the mountains so far we can’t be found
And throw I love you echos down the canyon
And then lie awake at night until they come back around
Please come to Denver
She said no, boy you come home to me

We got to Utah in five days. I remember being in awe of all the things to see: Bryce canyon and Zion park and the wild west look of the place. And it was hot. And dry. When we got to Salt Lake, Billy met us at a bus station and told us we were going to be staying there for a few days. We went to his place, which was a nasty apartment on the corner of 4 and 12th Streets. His place smelled like things I didn’t know about then, but now could recognize in an instant. Heated up heroin leaves a sweet musky odor that never goes away and that was what we smelled. It was the scent of times to come.

That first night at Billy’s was fun. It was the first time I had been to a party. He had lots of pot and pills and we all got stoned. Billy had some of his friends over, all of whom were older than us. The friends had nice fancy clothes and drove nice big cars. And they had big fat wads of cash on them. We stayed at Billy’s for three more nights before he told us we *shouldn’t* go to Denver…He said that he would call our parents to let them know where we were and that we were all ok. Billy told us we would be staying in SLC. Being the stupid, in awe-of-all-things-grown-up kids we were, we thought Billy and his plans were the best. We trusted him and we worshiped the ground he walked on.

We went to the lake, Salt Lake and got to experience that swim and float sensation. No one drowns on that lake they say–too much salt in it and a human body will stay afloat. We ate and slept and went shopping. Billy took good care of us through the summer, right into July. My mother was still in the hospital, getting sicker with all the treatments. I would not be able to go home until at least August. And that was ok with me. I loved it out there.

I loved the city and all the people. I loved the parties and smoking pot and getting high. Patty and Kim loved it too, we were having the time of our lives. None of us wanted to go home, to little New Hampshire…

My friends called their parents and pleaded and begged and bargained with them to let them stay the whole summer. They lied to them. They told them were learning how to fish and build campfires and all sorts of crap. And Billy did his part to add to the sheer deception. He promised parents he would watch out for their kids. Yeah, as soon as they all said ok, the fun really began.

Billy knew he had to get us hooked onto a lifestyle that would earn him money. It took me years to get IT, but that was what it was all about. Teenage kids are especially vulnerable to being impressed by big things and lots of attention. Jimmy got to ride in and drive cars and motorcycles. We girls got to buy any and all the clothes we wanted; we went to concerts and to meet lots of neat people.

Sometime during this period I noticed that Billy was encouraging us to buy skimpier and skimpier clothes. No more jeans. Short skirts and tight tops, braless, were his preference. High heeled boots too. And makeup. Lots of it. Black mascaras and pink lipsticks. We all thought he was just being really cool. Anything we wanted, we got. There was never a lack of cash around. We girls were always being invited to parties with all those older men around. They didn’t really take part in the parties, rather they just watched us.

One day in the beginning of August Billy told us that he had arranged for us to go to school out in SLC, if we wanted. He told us he had spoken to all of our parents and they were ok with it. I should have known better but I believed him. So did Kim and Patty. Jimmy and Janine weren’t so sure. But they really didn’t want to go home.
My birthday was coming up and I was a little homesick, missing my dogs and my other friends. I called home many times and remember telling my parents I loved them and missed them. I wonder if they ever picked up on the tinge of fear I had in my voice that August. I guess they didn’t because they sounded happy every time I spoke with them. And they trusted Billy with my life and the life of my friends out there.

Later I found out that my parents were relieved that I was away; they really didn’t want me around while my mother was so sick. Patty’s parents were in the middle of a divorce…Kim’s mother was a drunk who didn’t have a husband. And Jimmy and Janine didn’t have parents per say…they lived in a foster home. We were all easy targets for Billy.
MORE boring stories from the other life to come.